How do i feel?

I dont know what title to give this blog so i chose dat. I've been meaning to do a blog for my sweetest heart Chi, but anytime i try to put something down, i neva bring myself to finish it. I know this is kinda late but i still have goose bumps whenever i rememba u r no more! I still find it hard to believe dat my one and only adopted baby broda is gone! (dont get me wrong, i got a younger bro) but i also got 2 adopted brodas dat i love sooo much!

This is a longggg stori and maybe wont make sense but it all started like a joke, 3 years back...

Me @ home(asaba) someone comes to pay aunt a visit, the truth is i dont know who he is or wat he wants but i help go get aunt and when i get back, i see dis old youngee telling about how i acted homely unlike most gurls my age by helping go get my aunt even though i'd not had my bath n i was witout makeup (guess he later got to learn i'm not a makeup person) well i did all the thank u for the compliment thingy and left o! Only to see same man like 2 days later in front of my place, oya wetin u find come? n he's like i could not take my mind off u so I decided to come pay a visit! (shuo, make una see me see trouble o!) Well i quickly discharged him and that was it for a longgg tyme, later left for the city only for my cuz to call and make noise about AD asking about me anytime he sees her.

To cut the whole stori short, we met someother tyme i came around and dis tyme i got to see his 2 ADORABLE sons! Mehnnn, i would have gone for the elder one if he was my mate but i was like 2 yrs his senior and the younger one became my favourite. They took me as the bigger sis they neva had (got to find out their mum was late n their dad wanted a young step mum for them). i wonder why... The man stopped bugging me when he noticed his kids liked me a whole lot and tried being pals but i dont take to such pretense jare so i just maintained frendship wit my lil bros, we talked about everything, ranging from their lovelife, to skul, then their different weak points n all. I remember when their dad's younger bro sent them new fones n they hid it from their dad cos he was gonna raise hell but showed it to me cos they thot i'll understand... I'm writing this wit tears cos fond memories are haunting me, i later kinda left home for long and we didn't get to see again. Remember when chi called me to talk about his admission into Igbinedion and how he wanted me to be there for his matriculation, i cancelled the trip when i learnt his dad was gonna be there wit their mum's sis cos i didn't want any complications( i sooo wished i had gone, at least i'll have pictures to hold on to), i also remember helping him shop cos he thot i was tush and my taste will suit him(he was 15yrs then) and a whole lot of funny stuffs we all did together. Ok, this post is getting too long but it's for my baby bro so plz dont complain.

It was all like a dream when some months back i got a call from same cuz ( changed my number and made sure i didn't let them have it cos of their dad though i called wit a priv no from time to time) and now she goes like,

Cuz: Manda, we've been searching everywhere for you!

Me: Babes, hope nuthin is the mata o!

Cuz: ermmm, it's kinda serious but i think u shld call AD

Me: wat for? e win lottery?

Cuz: i am not joking jare, beta still call his older son.

Me: now i dont get all this, wat is the MATA?

Cuz: maybe i shld just tell u, chi is dead! Chineke, wat did u just stay, abeg if it's play just stop it o!

Then i drop the fone and wit shaky hands call senior boy, he confirms it n says my baby was poisoned in skul! Can u imagine that? the very famous Igbinedion Uni? i was filled wit greive and rage and i start ranting!

Could not brace myself to go for the burial and didn't even have the mind to call AD! this world is just sooo wicked! how can lil boys just kill their mate like dat! Did not find out wat the issue really was but i bet it must have been a gurl issue (wat else do guys fight for) n he was a medical student so i guess it had to do wit his class peeps too, i wonder wat chemical dey mixed! The skul tried avoiding scandal by lying dat he died a natural death but his dad took him for an autopsy where they got to find out he was poisoned! Maybe dat was why i avoided the burial cos i didn't think i could stand seeing his disected body! The boys involved were later caught and reprimanded but dat's all i got to hear about it.

Why do we live in a wicked world and how do we avoid evil befelling us? I know it is unlike me to write about sorrows n all but i had to pour it out.

I PRAY THAT MY BABY'S SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE! AMEN!!!